The Winter of Regrets Read online

  Thrash looked down. “I remember what happened when I came home. I didn’t know about Jo turning her back on Kima, no. What does all of this have to do with us?”

  Elena stood up and stared at him. “Nailz didn’t do shit to get her back. I know they say that Jo didn’t know, but you forget I was here. I remember what it was like for Kima, and I should have made her go with us on vacation. I know that Kima shot Rabid. I know what loyalty is and that Jo and Nailz have very little of it. I can’t stand your fucking club, Thrash. I hate it, so I don’t see us getting together really. I hate to disappoint you, but we’re better off as friends. If we can remain friends, even.”

  She moved toward the door but Thrash grabbed her arm. “Elena, I don’t know what the fuck is up with Nailz or Jo, but I’ll find out. If Thorn needs money, the club will loan it to him. I promise you, nobody wants Thorn hurting any more than he already is. I’ll dig into this and I will get the answers. Why Jo is gossiping after all that was handed to her, I don’t know. As for us …”

  Elena let her eyes connect with his. She felt her heart begin to race, studying his expression as he gathered his words.

  “I love you,” he finally said, simply enough. “I’ve loved you for years. I love Rhiannon too, you know that. I’ll … give you your space, but don’t push me away from you and the baby.”

  She sighed. His eyes were so hard to say no to, and her heart was still too wounded from her loss. “I can’t promise you anything. At least … not right now. I know you love me, but I’m not ready yet. You come here all the time and … it’s just too much. I can’t jump into a relationship. What kind of person would that make me? Hunter … what would he think?” Her voice was breaking. “I’m stressed out and I just can’t do this now.”

  Thrash dipped his head down and kissed her lips softly as he held her. She tried to push him away but he held her still.

  “Honey, it will work out,” he said. “Hunter would want us together, I know that. He wanted you to go on and have a life. You know he would, Elena, just search in your heart. He left you so you’d move on.”

  “I don’t seem to know anything anymore,” said Elena, “but I do know this: I want your sister out of my house, and if I hear that she’s saying shit about me, I’ll beat the crap outta her ass.” She laughed a bit. “Maybe I’ll let Tears do it. That’s another reason she has to go; Tears doesn’t want to come here, and Thorn and Tears are my family. I won’t let anyone come between us. You can come over, just call and don’t expect a whole lot from me … I’m not ready to give what I don’t have right now, Thrash. I do care for you, but … it’s all too soon.”

  Thrash decided not to push her anymore. “That’s good enough for now. I’ll speak to my brother and Nailz. I don’t know where this bullshit is coming from about Kima not taking care of Josie. Veiko would have told me if she wasn’t. I know she’s taking Hunter’s death hard, but they were close. I fucking hate this chick shit. It must be bad if you’re this upset. One of the things I love about you, Elena, is your loyalty and the fact that you say straight up what’s on your mind.”

  Both laughed out loud at that, then Thrash opened the door for her.

  Katri was in her room and called out that she was packing her stuff. Thrash stepped in to talk to her while Elena put the kettle on to make herself some tea. She looked around the kitchen, then up at the clock. She needed to go get Rhiannon soon and hoped Katri and Thrash would be leaving any minute now.

  A very excited Katri informed Elena and Thrash that Jo wanted her right away and that she would leave her furniture because Jo didn’t want her to bring it. It made moving her out fast and easy, and Elena promised she could take it back anytime she wanted. Finally, getting rid of Katri was a blessing, and she was happy to see her go.

  Thrash carried her belongings to the truck and scowled the entire time, tossing Katri’s belongings in it without a care. He wasn’t happy, and both women were well aware of it.

  After he finished, he stood before the women on the porch and glowered at Katri. “Sister, word of advice: you say shit about Elena or Tears and I find out, I’ll let Kima kick your ass. Or maybe Joy, since she can’t stand you. I mean it. Jo’s gossiping, and if I find out you are too, it isn’t going to go down well with Veiko. You understand me?”

  Katri lifted her chin. “I consider Jo my best friend here, brother, and I can handle my own affairs. It isn’t like you all really did that much for me. I never got that car yet, and Jo says I can use hers.” She made her way to the door. “I’m ready to go if you are. Goodbye, Elena,” she added with malice in her eyes. “I hope Amy can stand being on this farm longer than I did.” She strode to the truck, opened the door, and hopped inside.

  Thrash huffed angrily. “Sorry my sister is so rude, Elena. No wonder you wanted her gone, the fucking ungrateful lil’ bitch.” His wide shoulders sagged a bit and he frowned. “I hope Nailz knows what he’s in for. I’m done with Katri. She can go to my dad if this doesn’t work out.”

  “I told you she was a problem child,” said Elena with a lift of her brow. “Amy’s just what I need for the baby and farm. She can help with lessons, and she loves Rhiannon. It’s all for the best, but if your sister gets her ass kicked, at least you warned her.”

  “Got it.”

  “I’m going to set up my own agency and have dancers audition,” she went on. “It’s a new business for me, and branching out from Dirty Deeds will increase my cash flow.” Finally, a smile formed on her face. “I hope it will become a money-making business. I’ll stop by Ocean View to see your new shop. I may even want a tattoo.” Elena saw the pain in his eyes, but she was determined to put some distance between them. She smiled crookedly at him. “Stop looking so woe begotten. We’ll see each other soon, I promise.” She brushed her hair from her face and leaned up so he could kiss her.

  Thrash finally smiled and drew her in for the kiss. It would have lasted much longer, but Katri blasted the horn and the moment was interrupted.

  Elena rolled her eyes. “I’ve got to get the baby and call Amy,” she said. “Good luck over at Nailz’ house. I hope he has better luck with your sister than I did. Bye, Thrash.” Her voice held a touch of sadness.

  Thrash nodded. “Never say goodbye. Say, ‘later.’”

  She understood what he meant. “Later, Thrash. Be safe, and I hope Nailz takes Katri in. I wonder if Jo even told him she’s coming.”

  Laughter bellowed from Thrash as he strode to the truck. Elena could hear him lecturing Katri as they pulled out of the lane. Good riddance, she thought, then wondered what good would come of Jo and Katri living under the same roof.

  Jersey was having a great time with Rhiannon and kept sneaking glances at his Joyful. He wanted a child so much, but knew better than to tell Joy. He wanted boys; being an only son sucked and he had four sisters. He was happy Katri left, and while he felt bad for Thrash not seeing Elena as much, he figured it would all work out in time. It had with he and Joy.

  “I see that baby-madness look on your face, Jersey. Get it off.” Joy stood with her hands on her hips, half a smile and half a frown crossing her face. “You know I can’t have babies now. We need to get these stables to make a profit. Elena’s going to sell one of the track horses to put some fencing up. It’s too bad, as I think he has potential, but we need the cash.”

  “How much does she want to sell him for?” Jersey was interested in ways to make money and he knew Joy didn’t want to sell the horse. “And which horse does she want to sell, anyway?”

  “Moon Glow, one of the ones I’ve worked a lot with. She has a lunch meeting this week with a buyer. I know he could make us some money, but we do need to get better fencing and block off those trails.”

  “Don’t you own a share in him?” He rocked the baby in his arms.

  “I have only twenty percent into him,” she admitted, “but I did most of his training. I know stud fees for him will fetch a good price, too. Oh, I hear her pulling up. Please don’t say a word.”
Joy walked over to open the door leaving Jersey to wonder how he could buy a racehorse for his ol’ lady without upsetting her.

  Joy never asked for very much and she worked nonstop. Jersey was determined to talk to Elena and make her see reason. He’d offered to invest money in the stables, but they weren’t comfortable taking it. Jersey was known as the official charmer of Bound for Hell MC, and he’d find a way to make his Joyful happy and get Moon Glow for her. Elena hated to part with the horses too, and he silently wondered how much this was going to cost him. Living out on the farm was something he’d never imagined he’d grow to love, but he did, and he loved the horses and the tranquility here. His brothers might laugh and say he was a fool, but there was something about horses that eased his soul. He enjoyed watching them and caring for them. Joy and Elena also brought in horses that people tossed away and made them healthy and whole again. They were able to give the horses new lives, and he truly admired that. The dedication these two women had was amazing. He looked down at little Rhiannon in his arms and stroked her soft black hair, wondering what Joy and Elena were talking about outside. He didn’t bother to get up to find out. Joy didn’t mess in his club business, so he gave her the mutual respect she gave him.

  With Elena not bothering to come inside, Joy returned to carefully take the baby from him. “Katri is gone. Elena doesn’t want to come in, so let me carry Rhiannon to the truck. I’ll fill you in later.”

  Jersey nodded and went back to thinking about how to talk Elena into selling him Moon Glow. He absently ran his fingers though his long dark hair and took out the braid Joy had made earlier. He shook his hair free and it fell past his shoulders. Joy loved his long hair and he was in the mood to get lucky. He wondered if he would; she tended to get moody when there were horse problems on her mind.

  Veiko sat at the Sea Woods clubhouse bar and talked to Tramp. There was still no word from Jules, Honey, or baby Jason. Nobody could find anything out and Jules’ parents had not been at all helpful. They wanted nothing to do with the girls or Jason. Darko had filed a missing person’s report on the women, and Tramp had one filed on Jason, but the police didn’t seem too concerned either. Both men were talking about Bullet taking over the Central Jersey presidency with Snake as the vice president. Thrash didn’t want it and Tramp wanted to keep him as a national SAA nomad anyway.

  The door flew open and in walked Thorn.

  “Kima sent me over to drag your ass home, Veiko. Pot roast is ready and Kima says she isn’t making dumplings unless you come home.” Thorn hugged Tramp and stood back, waiting to see what V planned to do.

  “Tramp, you hungry? Kima always makes a lot of food. You’re more than welcome.” Veiko extended the invitation but was unsure how Kima would react.

  “Nah, bro,” he responded tiredly. “Marco ordered a pizza for us. I expect Jersey, Nailz, you, and Thorn back here at nine. Got a few things we need to go over. You good with that? Marco will make the calls to everyone. Go eat and tell your ol’ ladies to come back with you. This place needs some life to it.”

  “If we can get a babysitter, I’ll bring Kima back. We’ll be back at nine.”

  Veiko and Thorn bumped fists with Tramp and headed out the door. Both got into their trucks and headed to Veiko’s house, which was a short distance down the road.

  The scent of pot roast filled the air as the two men walked through the door. Listening to Kima and Tears chattering in the kitchen made both men smile. Pee and Wee, the Great Pyrenees puppies, barked excitedly. Veiko rolled his eyes at Thorn as they hung up their leather jackets and headed for the kitchen.

  Kima smiled at V and told him Thrash was coming for dinner. “I also called Elena. It took some convincing to get her to come because she just got rid of Katri and Thrash. I thought maybe we’d go out and have a few drinks after dinner. It’s been so long since we’ve gone out that Elena finally agreed. She is going to call Amy to babysit the girls. You don’t mind, do you Veiko? I’ve made a ton of food.” She looked at him with sparkling eyes and sounded happier than she had in a long time.

  “Tramp suggested you come out. We’ve got some shit to go over, but he says the clubhouse needs some noise. I guess he’s used to his place being full of people, and Sea Woods is so damn quiet.” V moved to the sink to wash up. “Dinner smells so damn great. When’s it gonna be ready?”

  He moved to pick the lid off the Dutch oven and Kima slapped his hand with her wooden spoon. “You want to ruin the dumplings? Leave my food alone and go wait for your brother. Elena should be here anytime now.” She waved the wooden spoon like a weapon. Both women laughed as V and Thorn left the kitchen.

  Tears giggled. “You rapped his hand good, Kima. I don’t like anyone poking around my food either.”

  “It teaches him well,” she said with a wink.

  “It’s going to be so much fun getting out tonight! Do you mind if I call Joy to make sure she is coming to the clubhouse?”

  “Good idea,” said Kima. “We’ll have a blast and catch up on the gossip. It’s been forever since I got out. I’m tired a lot with Josie and doing everything around here. I have three people wanting to board horses, but I can’t do that many stalls and feed horses … I really wish I could. I’d love to hire someone to do the morning feeding and cleaning stalls.” Kima ran her hand over her mouth, hiding a yawn.

  Tears’ eyes flashed. “I could do it! God knows we need the money.” She lowered her voice. “Thorn doesn’t know about any of this, but I’m going to sneak in dancing as much as I can. I need the money. Elena, Joy, and Dusty are gonna help, too.”

  Kima didn’t share her excitement. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Tears. I caught hell from Veiko when he found me dancing. With Wolf and the Filthy Fiends around, I’d be very careful. I could really use your help here. I’ll ask my dad to see if he can get you a job, alright?” After seeing a cloud of disappointment cross Tears’ face, Kima turned serious. “I know dancing is fast, easy money … but you’ve got to be safe.”

  Tears sighed. “I know that, but we need to get the Lodge winterized. My dad and Jo want me to divorce Thorn and come home—only then would they help me, but I won’t do that. I have to help him keep the Lodge however I can. I love him so much, Kima.”

  Kima drew closer and spoke quietly. “I know you do, hun, but be the one who loves less, not the one who loves more. Loving more causes pain. My mother told me that and it was the best advice she ever gave me. Maybe you won’t understand it now, but trust me, it is the truth. I’ve loved more and I’m learning to love less. I love Veiko … but sometimes it seems as though he loves me less and the club more.” She pressed her fingers to her temples and stared at Tears. “Don’t make the mistakes I’ve made. We all love you and we’ll find a way for you to make money without dancing.”

  “We need money fast, Kima. Dancing is the only way. Elena, Joy, and Dusty agreed to help me.”

  Kima sighed. She worried Tears wasn’t heeding her advice, and wondered if there was anything she could say to change her mind.

  “Do you have any costumes left I could buy?” Tears went on. “Maybe I won’t have to do it for long.”

  Kima shook her head. “I won’t sell them to you. I want to keep the black one with the chains, but …” She sighed and gave in. “I’ll give you the rest. I bet Willie will give you hers, too. Black Dog isn’t letting her dance anymore. I hope you know what you’re doing, Tearney. Your dad will flip his lid, and dancing will prove to him that Thorn can’t take care of you.” Kima bit her lip thinking of Nailz’ reaction if he found out his daughter was dancing.

  “He won’t find out, and if he does, fuck him. Jo and my dad pushed me into this. I wish you could have heard Jo preaching at me. Without your family, where would Jo have gone? On welfare, or be in that garage apartment still? My dad hates change. I was the one pushing to buy Elena’s house. They got help!” Tears whispered harshly, “My grandparents bought that house for them. How dare they not practice what they preach? You know it’
s true, Kima.” Tears was trying to keep her voice down and looked nervously toward the living room to make sure she hadn’t been heard.

  Kima nodded. “We’ll talk later,” she said. “Here, help me get dinner on the table and let me enjoy tonight, Tears. I haven’t wanted to go out in so long. We’ll figure it out.”

  Tearney looked at Kima and felt terrible. “I’m so sorry, Kima. I didn’t mean to bring up the past. I just …” But words failed her, and she went to the cabinet to get the dinner plates. Thorn and Veiko were laughing in the living room, which made Tears curse herself for upsetting Kima. After setting the table for dinner, she called Joy to make sure she was going to meet them later.

  Nailz tossed the dishes from dinner into the dishwasher and wiped the table and counters off. Jo was bathing the twins. Their dinner had been a silent one. Unless one of the boys did something, they hadn’t spoken. He was tired of this shit. There was a bottle of Jack Daniels in the cabinet calling his name loudly. He didn’t give a fuck if Jo got pissed he was drinking either. He grabbed the bottle and poured half a glass and chugged a good amount down. Taking the glass and bottle to the living room, he sat in the recliner. After another large sip, he shut his eyes. Tearney’s words came back to haunt him and he pictured the hurt look on her face as she had left. This shit was not what he wanted in his life. He was trying to be a good father and husband. He was changing his life and it wasn’t easy.

  Jo walked down the stairs and saw Nailz with his eyes closed and a bottle of Jack beside the recliner. That made her temper match her red hair in seconds.